E=MC² A Hoax - Einstein Hid The Decline!

Folks, did you ever think to yourself that something didn't smell right about E=MC²? Well you were right, it's all a big hoax! And I didn't even have to crack private emails to find this one, it was blatantly obvious, right there in Einstein's theory of general relativity... a fudge factor, an admission that it didn't all add up, an in your face attempt to "hide the decline". One would expect such a so called "great scientist" to cover up such blatant dishonesty, right? No, wrong. He laughed in our faces and even gave it an outright sciencey sounding name - the Cosmological Constant. Who do you think you're kidding, Albert!

This charlatan of a man makes stuff up

So, you've got evidence for this, right?
Well, not as such, no. Aside from a few off the cuff mentions and quotations, there's no actual record of Einstein admitting it's all a big fraud in any correspondence, so I've had to make some stuff up that you betcha will be right if we were to travel back in time and be a fly on the wall. And anyway, just like you don't need evidence to prove Anthropogenic Global Warming is false because that's a negative and you can't prove a negative, you can't prove Einstein didn't say this because that's a negative too!

Here's a snippet from a letter he might have written about it: "I've just completed Edwin's telescope trick of adding in the real movement of the galaxies to hide the decline." - Albert Einstein (made up, but probably real).

Wow! I mean, WOW! He is obviously talking about the galaxies declining away from us as observed by Edwin Hubble, which totally exposes his fraudulent cosmological constant for the fakery and trickery that it is. Shame on you, Albert!

This mumbo-jumbo was the biggest hoax of the 20th century

So, isn't gravity just a pile of crock too, then?
Yes, absolutely! I have always had my suspicions about this whole theory of gravity as being all warped space and twisty graphs with bowling balls falling in to bottomless pits. I mean it all sounds make up and fake and fraudulent and stuff, right! Gravity is the result of Magical Pressing®, a force that I have spent years researching and now that I have dispatched the one last obstacle to my theory, Mr. Einstein, I can now sell my special Grav-Oil® - an anti-gravity elixir that is actually able to make you fly, just so long as you really, really, really believe that it will. Available now at the special introductory price of $49.99 for a liter bottle, and it comes it three great flavors, Apple, Cinnamon, and Anthropogenilicious® - a blend of freshly picked cherries and modern banana.

There are no refunds offered for Grav-Oil®, but the more you drink it, the more likely you are to believe it actually works. Tests have shown that it can take up to ten bottles to truly believe, although skeptics may need to get colonic irrigation if prolonged failure persists. Spacers is not responsible for any injuries acquired in the unlikely event flying should occur.

Happy Flying, Spacers!

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